HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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