1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
