Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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