By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
