I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
