Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
