I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
