Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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