Can i not drive my cunt home
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
