Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
