I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
