oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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