This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
