He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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