hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
