he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
