i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
