I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I want a musical about memes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
