i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
