I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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