From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
