he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
