i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
