I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My vagina is officially offended.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
