and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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