This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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