he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
