we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
