man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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