I cannot find my penis.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
