So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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