I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
