Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Randomize
