If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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