the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
