He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
