Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
