I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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