OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
