Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
