I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
