well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
