i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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