I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
