Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
