Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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