im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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