After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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