I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
