One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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