I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
