nut hugger
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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